The Mercury News reports at Del Martin died today at the age of 87.

She and her wife, Phyllis Lyon, were life partners since 1952. They were lawfully-wedded spouses as of June 16, 2008 when they were the first same-sex couple married in California.

A chapter in queer history has ended today, and for that, I am very, very sad. I am filled with joy, however, that Del Martin stayed with us long enough to be able to call the woman by her side her wife.

The following message was sent to me by Debbie Barrett. When responding to any research request about LGBT families, please state upfront if you have been interviewed previously. Many researchers don’t think to ask, which sometimes leads to oversampling.

Disclaimer: Research inquiries posted on this blog are for informational purposes only and should not be interpreted as an endorsement by Abigail Garner. Additional questions should be directed to the contact named below, not Abigail.

SEEKING: Adults, (age 18 and older) who have lived with their heterosexual parents and now live (or lived) in a lesbian or gay stepfamily for a research study to fulfill requirements for a Doctoral Dissertation.

ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA FOR PARTICIPATION:

· You must be at least eighteen years of age.

· You must have lived with your heterosexual biological parents for at least three years.

· One of your biological parents announced she is lesbian or he is gay and therefore divorced.

· You must have subsequently lived or are currently living with your lesbian or gay parent and her or his same-sex partner for at least three years.

· You must live in Chicago or its surrounding suburbs and be available for an interview, approximately one and one-half hour in length, with possibility of a follow-up interview if additional information or clarification is needed.

If you are interested in signing up or finding out more about this study, contact Debbie Barrett, LCSW, CADC by telephone at (630) 217-7754 or debbiebar3@aol.com. All information will be kept completely confidential.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Melissa Etheridge, and I am glad that she is “allowed” to perform on the property of a Catholic College — even though she dares to live a life out loud with her partner and their children.

Still, the latest local effort for the Catholic Church to distance itself from “promotion” of homosexuality makes her upcoming appearance pretty ironic. Especially since I recently resigned from the College over this issue, and among the many places Etheridge has generously lent her voice to promote equality (or “promote homosexual behavior” depending on one’s perspective) is on the cover of my book:

I keep trying to make sense of where the line is being drawn when it comes to people from the LGBT community being visible within the Catholic Church and within its affiliated entities, including the College of St. Catherine. Just when I think I have it figured out, something happens that leaves me no less befuddled than before.

On a related note, the next “known homosexual” to appear at St. Kate’s will be k.d. lang.

I’m not kidding.

Today’s Minneapolis StarTribune published a vivid commentary about marriage equality, identity and family by Ashley Harness, a twentysomething daughter of lesbian mothers.

Read it here:
A love that, today, may dare to speak its name
by Ashley Harness
Minneapolis Star Tribune
Posted June 18, 2008

In addition to expressing her joy about California’s ruling, she also provides the backstory of her own experience growing up in her family. It’s a story that resonates with mine and many other queerspawn I’ve met. And like many adult children who reflect on their childhoods, the experience is seen most clearly after stepping out of the world in which we grew up:

It wasn’t until I got to college on the East Coast that I realized I had the emotional survival kit of a 50-year-old lesbian. Far from the example of my parents, most of my gay and lesbian peers paraded their sexuality like any other college kid in 2001. And while part of me felt they took the struggle of generations past for granted, I envied their freedom. I wanted desperately to live and love with the fearlessness of a post-AIDS-as-gay-cancer, post-Will-&-Grace, post-legalized-sodomy college student.

Ashley’s name will likely ring a bell for readers of my book — and my columns from way-back-when. She and I worked together on many queerspawn projects while she was a teen in Minneapolis. I interviewed her about homophobia in her school, and the article was very popular among teachers and school administrators. (See “Decreasing Homophobia in Schools,” Sept. 1999) A couple years after I wrote that, I had the honor of attending her high school graduation where she gave a speech in which she shared a podium with Coretta Scott King.

She once showed up to march in Pride with a sign she made:

A.I. Baby: All Grown Up.

Indeed. Go Ashley!

Marriage licenses in California are now available to all couples, regardless of gender. Get ready for fabulous photos and tear-jerking tales of celebration. The first couple to marry this evening will be Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin (below, in 2004) who have been waiting for this day since 1952.

If you are considering marriage in California for you and your beloved, it’s a good idea to take a look at these FAQ from Equality California.

Bad news: If you travel to California to get married, when you return home, your marriage certificate is legally worthless. (This, of course, doesn’t stop people from going just to make a statement and have the chance to spend some time in a place where their vows are honored.)

Good news: If you have a marriage certificate from Canada and/or Massachusetts, there’s no need to get one from California. The one you have counts in their state, too.

A couple of friends came over for dinner and I was showing them around my place. They complimented me on the awesome color pattern on the comforter on my bed, and asked where I got it. I explained that the cover was a gift from my Russ.

Russ had me pick out two flat sheets I liked, and he bought them for me and sewed them together to make a removable, easily washable duvet cover. (I have no clue how to run a sewing machine.)

Friend 1: Russ made that?! [*pause...wistful sigh*] I wish I had a gay dad!

Friend 2: I just wish I had a dad, period.

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Related posts:

On Father’s Day, I can celebrate gift of two dads

My Father’s Day Commentary on “All Things Considered”

I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday!

More and more research is underway to bring adult voices into the mix, addressing issues less myopic than the sexual orientation of offspring. Here is one such project by Megan Lytle. She is currently seeking volunteers:

Opportunity for Adult Children with a Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual Parent

I am a student in the Counseling Psychology Ph.D. Program at Seton Hall University, and I am the daughter of a gay man. I am inviting you to participate in a research study investigating the experience of how religion impacts the relationships between adult children and both their GLB and heterosexual parents. The study will require approximately one hour.

Participants will complete a demographic questionnaire and take part in an audio-taped interview. Your participation in this study is completely voluntary and you may withdraw from the study without any penalty at any time.

To insure the confidentiality, each participant’s data, including questionnaires, audiotapes, and contact information will be kept in a locked drawer to which only my advisor, Dr. Pamela Foley, my research assistant, Carrie Fleischer, Ed.S., and I will have access. All data will be identified by a numerical code and will be maintained in a separate location from any identifying information.

All questionnaires and audiotapes will be stored in a locked cabinet maintained at Seton Hall University by only the researchers involved. No one outside of the research team will have access to these questionnaires.

If you are interested in participating in this study, or if you would like further information, please email me at lytlemeg@shu.edu, or call me at 973-761-9451

Disclaimer: Research inquiries posted on this blog are for informational purposes only and should not be interpreted as an endorsement by Abigail Garner. Additional questions should be directed to the contact named above, not Abigail.

When responding to a research request, please be upfront if you have been interviewed previously. Many researchers don’t think to ask, which sometimes leads to oversampling.

…and change happens when underrepresented and misrepresented communities have access to media to tell their own stories for themselves.

I’ll be recharging my batteries this weekend at The National Conference for Media Reform. No, not presenting. Just being.

It’s in Minneapolis this year.

Reason 1,348 I love my hometown.

This blog post is written in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day” as a reminder that being outspoken always carries a risk — even when you think you are over all the hurdles of coming out. Even when you think you are as out as you can be. Even when you are certain it is a non-issue.

This Spring, I left my job for the freedom to blog for LGBT Families.

Many of you know I was job hunting last summer, and was thrilled to be hired by an organization that I believed had full awareness of my queerspawn convictions. Three months after my start date, however, higher-ups informed me that my blog had been “discovered.” (I have never thought of my blog as “hidden.”)

I was not receptive to the recurring suggestions of what I might want to do in order to make my online content inaccessible to the public. This tension resulted in a shift in my workplace climate that was at once unbelievable and heartbreaking. I was not fired; there was nothing in my work performance to justify that. But I knew it was a matter of time before the stress would adversely affect my work performance, so I chose to resign before it got to that point.

Here’s my resignation letter:

Dear [supervisor]:

I am resigning from my position as Gift Officer at the College of St. Catherine, effective on or before April 18, 2008.* I am unable to make sense of the contradictory messages I am experiencing at an institution that publicly boasts supporting social justice for marginalized communities, when at the same time, you are asking me to suppress my open support regarding an issue of social justice.

I entered employment at the College after reviewing every word of the employee handbook. I conducted my due diligence to make sure my identity of being a member of a gay family and my writing about that experience would be a “non-issue.” I believed it was, but everything changed soon after Archbishop Nienstedt wrote a commentary in the Catholic Spirit criticizing people who are supportive of same-gender partnerships. I had believed that you hired me because of my work history, not despite it. But suddenly you were referencing Nienstedt’s column and informing me that by maintaining my blog I was “promoting homosexual behavior” which was “offensive to the Catholic Church” and therefore a conflict of interest with my work for the College. Just two months previously, with your permission I was speaking to students in a sociology class at St. Kate’s because my book, Families Like Mine, was a required text on their syllabus.

I appreciated the very thorough and thoughtful evaluation you gave me for my 6-month performance review earlier this week. It is reassuring to know you have confidence in my work as a fundraising professional for the College. I was delighted when I successfully secured a million dollar commitment within two months of being hired, and I had looked forward to many years with the College to help raise millions more.

My follow-up questions to you during my review, however, revealed to me that my blog is still perceived as a very real threat to the future stability of the College. I have heard from you that this situation is causing great distress not just to you and [the Vice President], but also to the Senior Vice President as well as the President. [The Vice President] also informed me that Human Resources supported her decision to discuss this issue with me.

I started my position inspired by the College’s message of social justice, which the campus regularly declares, reaffirms, and celebrates. Justice, by its very definition, is for everyone. That commitment should not falter because of increased fear, or because of added scrutiny, or because the marginalized group includes gays and lesbians. I submit this resignation to honor my family, to honor my community, and to honor my lifetime commitment to publicly supporting justice for all.

Sincerely,
Abigail Garner

* I submitted this letter on April 4, but I was told to leave by the end of that very day. My departure left some colleagues and donors mystified by my sudden disappearance, as it is not in my nature to cut and run without saying goodbye.

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This letter is shared in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day.” Visit the official page at Mombian.com to learn about all the bloggers who are speaking out today.